Toward the end of February 2015, four weeks after Nerd Baby was born, I was looking at my first week alone with a small baby — not just on maternity leave but beginning a brand-new chapter as a full-time, work-from-home parent and freelance contractor. It had been a blissful four weeks and I legitimately thought the biggest issue I would have once Nerd Boy went back to work was finding things to do. I sat down and made a list of all the things I would get done around the house.
Not two weeks later, I was staying at my parents’ house and telling this story to my mother as she helped me pick up my mental and emotional and physical pieces. She laughed. I laughed (and cried). We both patted past!Becca on her sweet, naive head.
To say 2015 was an intense year is a bit of an understatement. It was a year of upheaval and transformation to a degree that I was absolutely not prepared for. I stepped aside from the career I had been in for ten years to be the primary caretaker for our daughter. I started a contracting business for advertising copy editing and writing, in addition to my previous work as an editor for authors. I developed a postpartum mood disorder and fought my way back out of it. I struggled with massive feelings of inadequacy, loss of self-confidence and anxiety.
I basically had all the pieces of me broken apart, tossed into a bucket, shaken up and then dumped back onto my lap. I didn’t know what to do with them. I didn’t know who I was anymore. And it’s only now, at the beginning of 2016, almost a year later, that I’m starting to get the vague shape of things again.
The journey is absolutely not finished. I am on firmer footing, but it’s a hella work in progress. So, with all that in mind, I’m not going to assess how I did with my 2015 New Year’s resolutions. I’m not going to make 2016 resolutions either. I’m going to do that thing where I choose a word to guide me.
2015 took me down to the base and made me rebuild. 2016 is about blowing the dust off the bones and seeing what we’ve got down there.